Managing life is hard. All the relationships...
These days I have more questions than answers, and I'm never sure I've made the "right decision".
Who can really tell? What is the right decision, is there such a thing?
There are definitely bad choices, those that lead to harm, but what if either option is ok?
How do you know if you're living your life right? Or if you're living your right life?
Is happiness a key performance indicator?
I'd say so.
I'm not super happy, only happy-ish.
Many nights I lay in my bed wishing my husband would take interest in me.
I'm getting fat. I lay around and watch TV. I do sporadic bursts of yoga...
which is counter-intuitive to yoga actually.
Am I ugly? Is hubby just not that into me? Why no sex?
These days I find my mind wandering to places that could have been. I re-live conversations and dream of chance meetings meandering different paths. What could happen in the future should I decide to walk a new path?
What if that 3rd year resident actually meets me again?
What if we have great conversation again?
What if I'd stayed downtown in Chicago?
What if I'd given my seventh grade boyfriend an actual chance?
What if I wasn't terrified to go after my dreams?
Wouldn't that be great? That last one. Would it? Who ever really knows. No one. We're left to write stories about it.
The what ifs. Perhaps I should take a creative writing course and get back in the swing of it...there's a decent novel swimming around in all the what-ifs and fantasies i'm sure of it. I have the skills, just not the determination to practice.
What if I held myself accountable for the things I want?
