We are the People; We're Not Just a Population. Not a Just Population.

A Case of the What Ifs

Managing life is hard. All the relationships...

These days I have more questions than answers, and I'm never sure I've made the "right decision".
Who can really tell? What is the right decision, is there such a thing?
There are definitely bad choices, those that lead to harm, but what if either option is ok?
How do you know if you're living your life right? Or if you're living your right life?
Is happiness a key performance indicator?

I'd say so.
I'm not super happy, only happy-ish.
Many nights I lay in my bed wishing my husband would take interest in me.
I'm getting fat. I lay around and watch TV. I do sporadic bursts of yoga...
which is counter-intuitive to yoga actually.

Am I ugly? Is hubby just not that into me? Why no sex?

These days I find my mind wandering to places that could have been. I re-live conversations and dream of chance meetings meandering different paths. What could happen in the future should I decide to walk a new path?

What if that 3rd year resident actually meets me again?
What if we have great conversation again?
What if I'd stayed downtown in Chicago?
What if I'd given my seventh grade boyfriend an actual chance?
What if I wasn't terrified to go after my dreams?

Wouldn't that be great? That last one. Would it? Who ever really knows. No one. We're left to write stories about it.
The what ifs. Perhaps I should take a creative writing course and get back in the swing of it...there's a decent novel swimming around in all the what-ifs and fantasies i'm sure of it. I have the skills, just not the determination to practice.

What if I held myself accountable for the things I want?

Bernie Sanders for President 2016

I'm not surprised that my response to Hillary's fundraising email elicited an auto response to fill out a form on her website.

I'm tired of this election process and all the stupid money they've spent trying to get elected. The system is broken...

Time for a change.

#revolution #feeltheBern #Sanders2016

yes, i realize there's a typo... of, not if. :(

You have everything, realize you want more

How many blogs are out there in the inter-webs? Several million I assume. There are SO many books. Everywhere. What makes you pick up a book? If you were to write a book, what would you write about? What would I? So many questions only you or I can answer for ourselves.

What do I want to do with my life?? What do you?
I want to own my own restaurant. I want it to benefit the community. I'd call it Mirabel Street after my daughter who once crossed out every single "Goodwill" on a donation receipt she found and replaced it with that name, "Mirabel Street". I asked her if she wanted to start her own charitable business, and she just got all shy. Its a good idea, though. A restaurant that benefits the community. Boys and Girls club of Rochester, for example. We could employ boys and girls from there as hosts and train them in as servers when they're 18. Some would probably end up learning the business and moving up. Others will just pay their bills as they work their way through college.

These are things to plan.

What would I write a book about?

Life lessons.

I'm 37, what would I tell 20 year old me? --Don't worry about those stupid boys. You'll get to a point in your life where you'll have everything you've ever wanted in a marriage and realize you want more.

I'd tell 25 year old me to chill out. Take a breath and think about what you want.

I'd also tell my 36 year old self that you're going through life. Life is a long progression of productive decision making. We all make choices and we have to live with the results of those decisions.

2015 was a vicious reminder that we all should address mental health, both on a national scale and at home. How many mass shootings were there in #America and how many suicides? How many people in the #USA are #addicted to #alcohol, #heroin, #cocaine or #heroin? How many people are addicted to #prescription #drugs? I'll have to get my Google machine out. Do they even collect all that data? Duh, probably. Does anyone analyze it? Duh, probably.

According to NAMI, 18.5% of American adults experience mental illness each year.  Turns out they do collect and analyze all that data; also Google has links to just about all that information and more. How many people does it take to analyze all that data, moreover how is the data collected?

Whew, ok enough stats. This country is filled with stories of all of it, the broken existences, the lives interrupted. I recently started watching the second season of #AmericanCrime on #ABC. GREAT SHOW!!! If you haven't started watching it, you should. It's so raw, emotional, uncomfortable, insightful, timely. Lily Taylor is amazing, Felicity Huffman is perfect. The show opens up a thought process about the failures of the system, and police incompetence. It forces viewers to tackle the stigma of rape, the power of money and status, the socioeconomic differences between all of us and the struggle of a victim. I can't wait to watch the rest of the second season, and will probably need to #Hulu the first.

Well friends, if anyone is reading this...which is highly unlikely given the sheer number of websites and blogs in the internet universe, I'm signing off for now. Peace and love.

Another one gone, when is it time to grow up?

I dance here in the kitchen dreaming of what could be.
Doing yoga with my thoughts, working out the possibilities.
What is the here and now? Focus on today and plan for the future.
Invest.
Invest time, muscle, charm and money.
#wisdomFromatimeCapsule

Lets stop just 'eyeballing' it, eh?

Well, I did it, finally. It took me long enough. Its really hard to leave the security of a steady paycheck, paid vacation, 401K match, and a flexible workday. Did I make the right decision? Only time will tell. Initial thought is yes, as I'm not as stressed out, but it remains to be seen whether I can affect the change I envision.

My frustration working in big corporate America was that any change is a lengthy argument that has to pass through various testing phases and approval boards etc. You cannot simply make a decision and see what happens. Personally, I make up my mind about something and then I change... immediately.  That line of thinking, or perhaps personality flaw has led me down some rather interesting paths. I'm on the road to the future, where I can change things quickly, and if it doesn't work out I'll change again.

I am calm now, and I want to drive revenue. Back office transaction processing is not my forte. Its an important job, but I'm much more comfortable face to face. I do miss the playing around on Excel, but I'm confident there's a fair amount of finance process improvement I can sink my teeth into.

Bring on the #HappyHour!! Starting Thursday, October 9th just in time for Finance end of quarter, come in and eat, drink, and be merry at City Cafe in Rochester MN. 4-6pm drink and appetizer specials!!

That's a Fine Lookin' high horse

Time. How do you split yours? Each day, which percentage of time goes to what activity? It'd be cool if there were such monitoring devices. I'd like to be part of a study for said technology, who's creating it? Is IBM?

Why did I not introduce myself to Ed Shay today? Talk about a missed opportunity! Flush another one down the toilet...but there will be more, right? No. Not necessarily. There could be more, but you never know. Thats the thing about life, real life, you don't get to do it over again. {and right there, my friends, is the lesson in the cliche}

Its not over; not for me. Some people aren't so blessed. I get opportunities to meet people all the time. I'm not sure I'm cut out for executive leadership of a huge company, but I'm certain I can manage a smaller business. Financially and otherwise.

Take me to Church
Best song ever, right now. I cannot get it out of my head. Check it out, by Hozier. Video is pretty crazy too, its about love and hate, and the power of religion.

Don't follow this truck...for obvious reasons. Amen

Two chicken ceasars...to GO.

Hey lady, if you order to-go food 15 minutes before close at a restaurant, or anytime for that matter, leave a tip for the chef. Did you know the chefs get the tips on to-go food? Yep. They did all the work for that food you're eating, is it tasty?
So here's a tip:
You would tip if you ate at a restaurant, so tip if you're eating from a restaurant. Or just think about it. Will you enjoy the food you're about to eat? Do you appreciate the fact you don't have to cook for yourself?
You're in a position to do tremendous good for someone ... make it count. #thankachefgratuity

Dear big data Developers:

I want to analyze my own data. Do they make personal sized big data analytics tools? Haha, it's called Google, right...except I don't know of that functionality of Google, I bet people would pay for it.
The mine-o-saurs would say "its my data, i should control it" point of view...however mine-os didn't buy or create the servers that make it all possible, someone's gotta pay. Cloud software services.

I need a tool that will go out and get all my data..the data collected that's tied to me.

Dear software group developers, please work on that ;)

Celebrate life this Memoral day, the very life they fought for

Who doesn't believe in climate change?? As if its some kind of superstition. I don't know how you feel or think about the real life changes that are taking place in our human habitat, but I for one think if there is legitimate scientific evidence to support the idea or notion that human behavior has a direct impact on the global changes taking place all around us then we should take a minute or 30 to hear out the evidence.

Rather some people choose to take the stance this happening is some kind of fairy tale the liberal media concocted. Which side are you on, reader?

If you're reading this now, I'd like to know so please comment...     :)

Am I alone in my 'belief' or quest for real meaning? There's something, right...aside from all the things in this life? I'd like to see it all, but am strapped to my place as my turn is over.

Its their turn now, our beautiful children of this earth. They are the ones who will impact great change...if we leave enough in place for them to work with.

Happy Memorial Day to you, dear Reader. I hope you're well and having a great time in this life.  :)

The Bliss of Summer

Its finally Friday again, my most favorite weekday :)

I'm looking forward to spending time in the great outdoors with these two little monkeys. We're off on our first camping trip of the year after work/school today, and we're all really excited. The weather in MN is predicted to be BEAUTIFUL, which is such a relief after our miserably long winter.

This gateway to summer weekend, we'll soak up the sun, spend time with friends and just generally enjoy life. Cheers to all, and be peaceful to one another.

Lettuce turnip the Beet

Spring is here, FINALLY!!

Last Sunday was glorious, I spent the whole day with my kids as well as my garden. I planted a couple tomato plants, a lot of peppers, beets, radishes, spinach, lettuce, green beans, spaghetti squash, butternut squash, zuchinni, yellow squash, basil parsley, marjoram....and the asparagus is popping up. I also roasted this enormous beet that I bought from the Rochester Downtown Farmer's Market, isn't it beautiful? It was sweet, tender and delicious, and totally changed my opinion of giant beets.

This week the weather in Minnesota is predictied to be spectacular!! 78 degrees and sunny today and 70's all week. Weeks like these almost make up for the extended chilly winters in this region of the US...almost. 

I plan to take advantage of the nice temps and put the next rotation of beets, beans, spinach and lettuce in the ground...and I can't wait to reap what I sow. 

Here's to Friday

Ah Friday, the most favorite of workdays. Friday represents the last good push, the last effort of the corporate work week to tie up loose ends before enjoying a couple days of respite before the drag of Monday comes along.

Contrary to the e-card pictured, Friday is a most favorite day in my house, kids included. My kids love to look forward to sleeping in. They talk about it all week when I wake them up for school. "Mom how many days till I can sleep in?" This morning I got to say, "Time to get up for school, but tomorrow you can sleep in as late as you want!" This always brings cute, excited, and relieved smiles to my kids' faces, and makes my day. I love it that my kids like to relax in the mornings...life is too short for most of this hustle we do all week long. I look forward to snuggling up with them to watch cartoons tomorrow. Happy Friday!!

Who wanted to be President? All hands please.

Its not a job for everyone. A president is smart, kind, strategic and happy.

When I learned you could be President of the US at age 35, I thought "I must be something big by age 35." I never wanted to really be president; the job is too hard truthfully. There are so many people in this world who fight for power, blech. No fun at all.

So what are you at 35? Are you a CEO? CFO? Doctor, Lawyer, Nurse? Mom? Yes, I'm a mom at 35. When I was 24 I wanted 5 kids...so I got married and had my first daughter at 29. Only after I found out I was pregnant with my second child did I tell myself I should focus on my career.

<3    (Life is expensive and if you want to live a good one you're gonna need money.)

I think being a mom is something really big. As mom of this household, I'm pretty much the president of this family, and I'm good with that. This mom needs to have a bit more balance in her life.

I promised my kids I'd spend time volunteering in their school this year, and I intend to keep that promise ;)

Synergistic Management Solutions

When life brings you to a crossroad, you have to make a choice. Simple right? One way or another, your life will change and its all up to you. Here's what I want:

1. I want to volunteer at the very least ONE DAY per week at my kids' school.
2. I want to tuck them in at the very least THREE NIGHTS per week. 
3. I want to LEARN about the business I'm passionate about.
4. I want to make enough money to pay all my bills, take 4-5 weeks vacation and save $5k for retirement per year.
5. I want to ENJOY what I do. 

Is that too much to ask?? Appropriate balance is the very best friend of human existence, at least in my opinion.

I want to date you.

In a big city, where we're relatively unknown..
far past the watchful eye of hometown.

Lets have an adventure

ever feel like the decisions you've made in life have you tied up and trapped?

If your answer is yes read further.

I'm not going to provide reasons and ways to change...but maybe if you read between the lines you'll figure it out, just like I have to.
Affairs of fun...I'm well versed. I don't take life too seriously, and perhaps to my detriment. I try to let things happen and rarely have much concern for affect. Life's too short to worry so much about what people think. Ha. Cliche after cliche, right? I'm beginning to learn that the cliches in life are the lessons...we just think they're *duh* until we actually learn it. Then, and so it goes, we utter the cliche.

(*side idea: perhaps I should make these lessons into art and sell them in my little re-purpose shop in a tourist town...with a small soup cafe. Dreams.)

So it goes, life, on down the days...til one day when life stops. We never know when it'll happen...and what will happen after we're gone. This blog is tending more darkly than I anticipated... must change the station.

Your life is not changed by the man that's elected.
If you're loved then you're never rejected.

Scandalous activity temps me all the time...and I bring on every situation. In fact I think I seek it out. I'm judging myself, because I wasn't raised to be the person I'm tempted to become.
Its funny because if things work out like I've rationalized in my mind..then they're not so scandalous, it's just playing out like I always knew it would. Now, the debatable statement is that I've created my own destiny. Are some things predetermined and we just all take different paths to get there? Kind of like the life lessons, everyone has a set of experiences to live and how they get there is a result of birthplace and situation. These are the maybes in life that I wonder about and no one can answer to the actuality, only their own theory. 

Does it ever come to a point that its inevitable? I'm sure for some, but for me? Well. We shall see...as they say.

Dive In, Water's Divine.

Dreams

1. Come home and have positive, stimulating, affectionate conversation.

2. Sell house for a profit over and over again until in the end no mortgage.

3. Live and work abroad...one income feeds a family in many places.

They always say, "live your dreams"

Its not possible without pain, change is painful.

Change is fun though, right?

What is it about these thoughts that's so scary to share? Goes back to perception is reality. Are we our thoughts or are we our actions....or some twisted combination?

Questions

I seem to have a lot of them lately. At certain points in my life I've felt I had it all figured out. I've been on top of my fishbowl. I want to jump out like those couple plecostomus' I found dried up behind the tank stand in college. Today I threw the most childish tantrum. Tonight I was not thirty five, I was fifteen...totally dissatisfied with my life. 

Why do we always talk about nothing? I long to have meaningful thought provoking conversation...but I don't.

Goal: Total world domination *see Cliche

Thirty-five is not old. Its not. When I was twenty three, thirty-five was ancient in my mind which I'll chalk up as proof that time, as all else, is relative. Or something like that. Perception is key.

We all know who we are, deep down, but unless others perceive our true selves, then are we really who we think we are? Then again, we die alone so does it really matter what others think of us?

Random thoughts to ponder.

What happens when kids are bullied?
Why is my nephew so angry; why is my son so stubborn? 
Do our personalities rub off on our children?

What is up with all the violence in this world? We're under global terrorism warning this month, pitting religion, and military against humankind. When are we going to stop this hatred, people?

Our mother Earth is dying and who'll be around for the funeral? Last night a fellow human told me global warming was a fallacy. Seriously? Call it whatever you like, there's no denying the polar ice caps are melting. Yes, its true, Geology has proven the Earth goes though cycles. I prefer to believe that our planet is in a constant state of evolution, as is humankind.

Can Big Data catalog the worlds population? Seems to me a simple responsibility of technology as the future to do so in order to take and manage inventory.

Some people, well most people, are afraid of losing human rights. Realize that human rights are made up...lets make some rules so we can all get along. We often violate real human rights in everyday life and law. Just saying.

Ah well, that's enough for tonight. Be peaceful to one another, humans.

And we'll never be Royals...

My current infatuation, Lorde - Royals

This song is amazing and her voice is so pretty! Happy Friday, enjoy mellow beats this lovely day. We all dream of being the Ruler...