We are the People; We're Not Just a Population. Not a Just Population.

A Case of the What Ifs

Managing life is hard. All the relationships...

These days I have more questions than answers, and I'm never sure I've made the "right decision".
Who can really tell? What is the right decision, is there such a thing?
There are definitely bad choices, those that lead to harm, but what if either option is ok?
How do you know if you're living your life right? Or if you're living your right life?
Is happiness a key performance indicator?

I'd say so.
I'm not super happy, only happy-ish.
Many nights I lay in my bed wishing my husband would take interest in me.
I'm getting fat. I lay around and watch TV. I do sporadic bursts of yoga...
which is counter-intuitive to yoga actually.

Am I ugly? Is hubby just not that into me? Why no sex?

These days I find my mind wandering to places that could have been. I re-live conversations and dream of chance meetings meandering different paths. What could happen in the future should I decide to walk a new path?

What if that 3rd year resident actually meets me again?
What if we have great conversation again?
What if I'd stayed downtown in Chicago?
What if I'd given my seventh grade boyfriend an actual chance?
What if I wasn't terrified to go after my dreams?

Wouldn't that be great? That last one. Would it? Who ever really knows. No one. We're left to write stories about it.
The what ifs. Perhaps I should take a creative writing course and get back in the swing of it...there's a decent novel swimming around in all the what-ifs and fantasies i'm sure of it. I have the skills, just not the determination to practice.

What if I held myself accountable for the things I want?

Bernie Sanders for President 2016

I'm not surprised that my response to Hillary's fundraising email elicited an auto response to fill out a form on her website.

I'm tired of this election process and all the stupid money they've spent trying to get elected. The system is broken...

Time for a change.

#revolution #feeltheBern #Sanders2016

yes, i realize there's a typo... of, not if. :(

You have everything, realize you want more

How many blogs are out there in the inter-webs? Several million I assume. There are SO many books. Everywhere. What makes you pick up a book? If you were to write a book, what would you write about? What would I? So many questions only you or I can answer for ourselves.

What do I want to do with my life?? What do you?
I want to own my own restaurant. I want it to benefit the community. I'd call it Mirabel Street after my daughter who once crossed out every single "Goodwill" on a donation receipt she found and replaced it with that name, "Mirabel Street". I asked her if she wanted to start her own charitable business, and she just got all shy. Its a good idea, though. A restaurant that benefits the community. Boys and Girls club of Rochester, for example. We could employ boys and girls from there as hosts and train them in as servers when they're 18. Some would probably end up learning the business and moving up. Others will just pay their bills as they work their way through college.

These are things to plan.

What would I write a book about?

Life lessons.

I'm 37, what would I tell 20 year old me? --Don't worry about those stupid boys. You'll get to a point in your life where you'll have everything you've ever wanted in a marriage and realize you want more.

I'd tell 25 year old me to chill out. Take a breath and think about what you want.

I'd also tell my 36 year old self that you're going through life. Life is a long progression of productive decision making. We all make choices and we have to live with the results of those decisions.

2015 was a vicious reminder that we all should address mental health, both on a national scale and at home. How many mass shootings were there in #America and how many suicides? How many people in the #USA are #addicted to #alcohol, #heroin, #cocaine or #heroin? How many people are addicted to #prescription #drugs? I'll have to get my Google machine out. Do they even collect all that data? Duh, probably. Does anyone analyze it? Duh, probably.

According to NAMI, 18.5% of American adults experience mental illness each year.  Turns out they do collect and analyze all that data; also Google has links to just about all that information and more. How many people does it take to analyze all that data, moreover how is the data collected?

Whew, ok enough stats. This country is filled with stories of all of it, the broken existences, the lives interrupted. I recently started watching the second season of #AmericanCrime on #ABC. GREAT SHOW!!! If you haven't started watching it, you should. It's so raw, emotional, uncomfortable, insightful, timely. Lily Taylor is amazing, Felicity Huffman is perfect. The show opens up a thought process about the failures of the system, and police incompetence. It forces viewers to tackle the stigma of rape, the power of money and status, the socioeconomic differences between all of us and the struggle of a victim. I can't wait to watch the rest of the second season, and will probably need to #Hulu the first.

Well friends, if anyone is reading this...which is highly unlikely given the sheer number of websites and blogs in the internet universe, I'm signing off for now. Peace and love.

Another one gone, when is it time to grow up?

I dance here in the kitchen dreaming of what could be.
Doing yoga with my thoughts, working out the possibilities.
What is the here and now? Focus on today and plan for the future.
Invest.
Invest time, muscle, charm and money.
#wisdomFromatimeCapsule

Lets stop just 'eyeballing' it, eh?

Well, I did it, finally. It took me long enough. Its really hard to leave the security of a steady paycheck, paid vacation, 401K match, and a flexible workday. Did I make the right decision? Only time will tell. Initial thought is yes, as I'm not as stressed out, but it remains to be seen whether I can affect the change I envision.

My frustration working in big corporate America was that any change is a lengthy argument that has to pass through various testing phases and approval boards etc. You cannot simply make a decision and see what happens. Personally, I make up my mind about something and then I change... immediately.  That line of thinking, or perhaps personality flaw has led me down some rather interesting paths. I'm on the road to the future, where I can change things quickly, and if it doesn't work out I'll change again.

I am calm now, and I want to drive revenue. Back office transaction processing is not my forte. Its an important job, but I'm much more comfortable face to face. I do miss the playing around on Excel, but I'm confident there's a fair amount of finance process improvement I can sink my teeth into.

Bring on the #HappyHour!! Starting Thursday, October 9th just in time for Finance end of quarter, come in and eat, drink, and be merry at City Cafe in Rochester MN. 4-6pm drink and appetizer specials!!

That's a Fine Lookin' high horse

Time. How do you split yours? Each day, which percentage of time goes to what activity? It'd be cool if there were such monitoring devices. I'd like to be part of a study for said technology, who's creating it? Is IBM?

Why did I not introduce myself to Ed Shay today? Talk about a missed opportunity! Flush another one down the toilet...but there will be more, right? No. Not necessarily. There could be more, but you never know. Thats the thing about life, real life, you don't get to do it over again. {and right there, my friends, is the lesson in the cliche}

Its not over; not for me. Some people aren't so blessed. I get opportunities to meet people all the time. I'm not sure I'm cut out for executive leadership of a huge company, but I'm certain I can manage a smaller business. Financially and otherwise.

Take me to Church
Best song ever, right now. I cannot get it out of my head. Check it out, by Hozier. Video is pretty crazy too, its about love and hate, and the power of religion.

Don't follow this truck...for obvious reasons. Amen